It is easy to picture the perfect holiday. In my mind, I see snow lightly covering the ground, the smell of Christmas cookies in the air, family stopping by dressed up in warm sweaters bearing shiny gifts and lots of holiday laughter and hugs. You can almost feel the love.
This is what the holiday season looks like in the movies. This is why everyone, everywhere can’t wait for the holidays to arrive. We all have the best intentions. But it never turns out that way.
Instead, it looks like this:
~You are trying to finish your work AND shop for the 25 relatives that you will see over Christmas. You have no idea what to get any of them. That is what gift cards are for. This is also why most stores stay open until midnight.
~Once again, you have volunteered to make Grandma’s famous stuffing. It is only a 15-step recipe that no one will even eat. But it is tradition, so hop to it! Make sure you stop at 4 different specialty shops to locate all the ingredients (that no one will eat) and remember not to burn it or you will have to start all over again (and you might burst into tears…I mean, I have heard that it can happen).
~You have gained 5 pounds despite all the running around because you have been slamming Venti Starbucks Mochas every 3 hours. It is the only thing that will keep you focused and awake. And you have been adding in a little treat every time, just to keep your energy up (and you totally deserve it).
~Trying to remember where you have hidden all the presents. ALL of them. You can’t put them all in one place because the kids will find them and if you spread them out, then some will be lost until summer.
~Cleaning the house…all of it. When you have the family over, it is so important that you have all the decorations up and the house is spotless because this is totally what your house looks like all the time. You know that if it is not perfect, people are going to talk shit about you. So, skip the sleep and get to work. Don’t forget to yell at your kids to keep the house spotless and this is about the time that you start threatening to take away Christmas presents and/or call Santa. *Important* Do not throw down the Santa card too early in the game. Wait until just before Christmas or it won’t work!
~Don’t forget to get that fucking holiday card in the mail. Seriously, if you don’t get an adorable picture of your kids out to the entire world, your Mom card may be revoked. And remember that it is always your job to do this. If you don’t, people will talk shit about you.
~Holiday cheer. Its funny how once the entire family gets together, everyone over the age of 21 starts drinking. I swear every year I will drink less, but as the holiday season approaches, I am stopping at the liquor store more and more often.
~Don’t wrap and drink. Seriously, if you are drinking and wrapping presents, things can go wrong. You will give the wrong gift to the wrong kid, the paper will look terrible, or you won’t remember what gift you have wrapped for whom.
Listen, Proud Working Mom, we are friends so lets make a promise to each other. This season, lets all vow to be more realistic with our expectations. Lets buy less, sleep more, and remember the reason for the season. Maybe if we all lower our expectations and just enjoy being with family, then we can make it through the next 2 months without losing our minds.
Hahaha, just kidding. Make sure you have lots of ‘holiday cheer’ handy and buckle up, its going to be a bumpy ride!